Random thoughts on Day 28

August 1, 2019

It is now day 28 or four weeks since I fell and fractured my pelvis. First from my bed in my hospital and now the one I occupy in our family room I have observed a great deal. While I admit to feeling sorry for what I have lost this summer, and continue to struggle with my depression- especially since I can not have this time back – I also find that this time has granted me time for reflection.

This morning, I saw three news stories of young children dying. The first story was of – a six year old who was shot. The second was about – an eight year old who was pushed in front of a high speed train. The third had to do with parents leaving their children in cars on very hot. A set of twins died last week when their father forgot about them and went to work. In the same news, there is more racially tinged comments made by our nations leaders as well as common citizens, remarks which do nothing but spread the divide that exists in our country. Then this past week, I watched as the Tour de France culminated in great joy for Colombia with Egan Bernal’s victory and sadness for France with Julian Alaphilippe ceding the top spot in the closing days. These are just a few things I have observed. Closer to home, I have watched my daughter growing through her experience as a camp counselor.

I guess everything is relative – death and life, victory and defeat, hate and love. I wish I could be strong enough to reach out more to others. I wondered what keeps me (all of us) from doing so. Are we so afraid to step outside of our bubble and try to see the world through the eyes of others. I think we do not want to face our feelings because that is scary territory and it takes us down roads which can lead us to places we may not want to but yet perhaps need to go. I also wondered what causes a person to open fire at a public gathering and kill people? How does someone randomly push another human being onto a train track? How does a parent forget their children are still in the car? What makes someone hate so much that they would make racially charged remarks or encourage such remarks? Why would someone push perfect strangers in front of a train? Why do people support a leader who works at division? And how will Julian Alaphilippe look at his last three weeks in which his efforts in a bike race gave unity to the French for a short time and will Egan Bernal’s victory help heal the wounds people feel in Colombia? And how will this summer impact my daughter Kaili as she heads off for school? So many questions

During my eleven days in the hospital, I observed many things- nurses and doctors who seemed to enjoy their work and went out of their way to help others. Then there were those who came by – it seemed- not so much to check on their patients out of caring but obligation. I had a room mate who struggled from a number of problems; I am guessing some were physical and some psychological. He was demanding and this caused some of the aides to not want to help him. I am not faulting the aides but did notice that his behavior changed when aides and nurses took time to talk with him him. Often, he would ask me to ring the nurse call button. I suspect he had dropped his. But I never had a real conversation with him. I only know his name was David and he was 89. At one point, the nurses approached me to see if I wanted to move out so I would not be bothered by his calling out in the night. But I chose to stay. Anyway, I don’t know all that he struggled with. He kept asking for his clothes so he could leave, claiming he had his truck parked in the parking lot and just wanted to go home. I do hope he eventually found peace, got better and got his wish to go home. An earlier room mates left after having a colonoscopy but knowing he needed to come back in two weeks for a gall bladder operation. All in all, as painful as this is, I in many ways got off easy

I think my biggest sadness is that I have not had the summer I had hoped we would have before Kaili left for school. I admit that this is hard and wish I could get back on my feet soon so that Loretta, Kaili and I can enjoy sometime together outside of this family room.


I will stop here.

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